Mommy

I was just thinking about how many times a day I say "mommy" now. Just "mommy". Either out loud or in my head. Every time I'm sad. If an image of that last week pops into my mind. If
I think of something she said to me or did for me at one point and wish I would have told her how much it meant to me. If I think of something stupid I did at one point and I want to apologize. Just "mommy" is all that comes out. Funny thing is, I don't actually recall a time in my life where I called my mom "mommy"- even when I was little. I really only started calling her that when she got sick. "My poor mommy." or "My pretty mommy." Wonder where that came from? And now all I think about is how I'm going to be a mommy...

I promise I'll get some good news posts going soon....

Load of crap

Well... Hmmm... Ummm... How do I start this? This is my first blog post since Mom passed away. And in my last blog post she was getting all prettied up in honor of her grandkids' dance recital. We were planning what we were going to do when she got out of the hospital- talking about going shopping for dresses and planning a beach trip. Talking about how she was sad she was going to miss the recital but we would have a special viewing party whenever the recital video was complete. We were also talking about how she was going to feel better by the time the baby was born so she could come stay with me for a while & teach me how to do this mom thing. This is all still so unreal and hard to wrap my mind around. No words will do this justice but I feel the need to keep the blog going. It just really sucks that I will write my blog posts and then I won't receive messages like the ones below. Man this sucks! What a load of crap. This has been the tag line amongst the family ever since Mom passed. It's just the only way to describe it. We think it's funny because the most proper Cossette is the one to coined the phrase... so it makes us giggle. Sweet sweet Holly (she got the Cossette name by marriage - man we're lucky). Even her kids have caught on... Our pastor gave a sermon on sustaining grace and saving grace just 2 Sundays ago (how fitting- I bawled the entire time), and Holly was asking the girls a few days later if they understood the difference in the two types of grace. Holly was reminding them that saving grace is God's way of providing a way for us to Heaven, and sustaining grace is how God helps us get through... "things that are like a load of crap?" --one of the girls piped in. Yes, girlies, that's exactly what sustaining grace helps us through. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18 NIV).

Yes, Justin is like my Dad. Solid as a rock & silly at the same time. Thanks for teaching me how to recognize a good man, Mom. :)

My feelings would get hurt if I thought Mom wasn't reading - but I was also on hormones and my feelings would get hurt by a lot of things... I guess mom knew that and wanted to make sure I knew she was reading.

She was pretty excited. "Yiipeeeeeeee!!!!!"

I have to read this over and over again. Yes, GOD KNOWS BEST. Mom's gone to Heaven. For a reason. For HIS reason. And I have to find comfort in that. Maybe one day I'll understand that reason but for now I have to trust & have faith.

And sometimes it makes me feel just a little bit better just to say THIS IS SUCH A LOAD OF CRAP!