Stop being so secretive!

Ok. So I started this blog as invite-only for our family and close friends to read. Throughout all of this baby-drama I've been so selective about what I share and who I share it with. I've attributed my need for privacy to me not wanting to have to tell the story a million times and to the fact that my business is my business. In reality, I've really been so private because of the feelings of shame that plague many infertile women. This can be embarrassing! And it can challenge even the most self-assured's feelings of worth. These are feelings that I have been battling prior to learning the official news. I knew in my heart that there was a problem long before any doctor told me. Every time I think I've overcome those negative thoughts, the Enemy has been lurking in the shadows waiting for another weak moment. I'm not listening to the lies anymore! I know that my infertility does not define me or say anything about the caliber of parent I one day will be. So I've decided not to hide this blog anymore. If by sharing my story with 100% honesty helps just one other person on this planet, it's worth it to me to be exposed. I have nothing to be ashamed of. It's just a chapter in our family's life and the way we handle these circumstances will say much more about our character than the fact we are in these circumstances at all. I guess I've been concerned about receiving judgement from people who may not understand or agree with our choices. My very wise husband reminded me today that if someone is reading this and judging us then they have their own problems. I love how he simplifies all that I over-complicate in my head. One reason I am bringing this up is because I am currently tapering off my anti-anxiety medication in order to prepare for pregnancy. So, as if this process isn't emotional enough, I'm currently PMSing and stopping my "crazy-pills" (as I so affectionately call them) at the same time. Needless to say, I'm experiencing some psychological & emotional setbacks but the Bible tells me: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6, 7 NIV)
So instead of relying on medication, I'm relying on the LORD to help me to address my emotions and work through all of my worries. It's a vulnerable and oddly comforting place to be.